Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
