He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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