I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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