I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
