he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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