Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize