Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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