I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
