On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
