just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Even my vagina gasped.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
