another moral hangover. fuck.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
