Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
