when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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