it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
