some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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