Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.