I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.