Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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(515): View more from Iowa

i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.

Fav 13 829 3534
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(917): View more from New York City

just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

Fav 23 6584 963
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(740): View more from Ohio

While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

Fav 37 6338 2006
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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(713): View more from Texas

We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.

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(217): View more from Illinois

His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"

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(530): View more from California

She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night

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