I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on