i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night