i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Houston, we have a blender
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.