Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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