Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
