So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
