Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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