i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
