I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i believe in u and ur pee
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
