I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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