Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
