Plan B is the new Plan A
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
