you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
