just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
