There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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