The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
