You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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