I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
