I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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