Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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