yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
