Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
