im six kinds of drunk right now
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
