I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
