She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
