Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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