And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
