She is in my trunk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
