I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
