well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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