There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
