I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
