he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
