I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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