I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
