i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
