im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
