The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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