Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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