I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
