Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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