i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
