OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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