There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
