This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
