I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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