Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
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It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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