you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
