Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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