the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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