i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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