remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize