i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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